"Verily, all praise is due to Allah. It is due to Him, and to Him alone. We praise Him and we seek His help and forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our own selves and from the evil of our actions. And whomsoever Allah guides, there is none to misguide him, and whomsoever Allah leads astray none can guide him aright. I testify that there is no god worthy of worship except Allah, alone with no partner, and I testify that Muhammad (SAWS) is His slave and messenger. Indeed the best speech is the book of Allah, and the best guidance is that of Muhammad (SAWS). The worst affairs are the newly invented matters, for every newly invented matter is an innovation, and every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire."
The reason I chose to end with polygyny is because I have a lot to say about it. Mentioning it is seen as a taboo in the world over including the muslim communities, so I feel it is necessary to go into depth and try and explain it. Polygyny is permitted in Islam for various reasons, which I will go into very shortly. I will not speak about the cons because I am sure anyone who is against polygyny only knows about the cons so it's rather pointless.
1. To be a Muslim in its' least form is to believe Allah SWT is the one and only God and Muhammad PBUH is his last and final Messenger. If you believe this then logic says you believe that Allah is creator of this earth, Most Able, Most Wise, He is Omnipotent and All Mighty. If that too is correct, then what Allah has allowed for us humans who He created is surely good for us. Allah SWT is the knower of everything and He has permitted polygyny, so who are we as His mere creatures to even attempt to rebel and question this matter? As Muslims we should all follow the principle of 'hear and obey' the command of our Lord. So I know many female readers will be fuming right about now but the reality of the situation is if you are fuming and rebellious in your heart about this matter then you need to worry more about strengthening your deen and iman (faith) because this is not something a mere human said was ok for men to do, it is our Lord, the creator of the heavens and the earth. For the purpose of the non-Muslim readers I will go further and explain a few reasons as to why polygyny is a good thing. This is not to say that these are the reason Allah says polygyny is Good rather my own evaluation o the situation of the whole concept.
2. Polygyny was practise by most communities in history. It was a norm and it worked for many centuries. Historically one reason was there were very many wars and unlike today, there were no such advanced technology. Majority of the men went out to a battle field and fought physically. This as a result left many women widows and others orphans with no one to provide for them or protect them. Polygyny helped fill these gaps in order for these women to be able to get married to be looked after and be protected (their modesty, their young ones etc.). Polygyny helped in preventing lewdness due to desperation.
3. Today the ratio in majority countries in the world have women as the majority population, countries including; Russia, Ukraine, Bulgaria, Hungary, Senegal, Lebanon, Costa Rica, the list is long: just google it and you will see my point. With that in mind, you can add to the ratio, those men who are incapable to provide for a family due to being mentally disable, you add the delinquents of society that will never have a family, then add on the gays. This people, like it or not increases the ratio of women to men. My question then is what happens to these remaining women? The Prophet PBUH tells us:
" On the authority of Anas bin Malik, the servant of the messenger of Allah; none of you (truly) believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself." Related by Bukhari and Muslim.
If you accept this and follow this then wouldn't you want protection and comfort for your sister as you already have/plan to have?
4. Men are built different to women. They have a different structure to women, they think different to women, they feel different compared to women they are different in every physical and emotional aspect to women. Women are emotional creatures, men are lustful creatures. That is nothing to debate about so we don't know why they can't control themselves sexually, Allah knows best but we know they cannot. This is why men have the most insulting stereotypical names, no offence to any men out there, I am just trying to make this point understood better. The Prophet Muhammad PBUH advised men on this, he told Ali bin Abi Talib: "O Ali, do not follow a glance with another for you will be forgiven for the first but not the second."
The Prophet also told the Sahabbah's: Reported by Abdullah bin Mas'ud that the messenger of Allah PBUH said to them, "O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford it should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire."
5. It is our duty as wives/mothers to protect and care for everything in our houses. It would be advantageous not having to focus on ensuring everything is perfect in your house ALL the time. We have been given the sole responsibility to care for our children, and always satisfy our husbands desires and not refuse them except for the exceptions. Doing this day in day out is exhausting and might get monotonous. This is not a very strong point but if you were in a polygynous marriage then you would get some days to yourself, to do what ever you please. Knowing your husband will not resent you for ignoring him, and you will get a BREAK. I know some married people who are in a monogamous relation that take a day of the week away from each other in order to have time to themselves and just relax without the responsibility of the other.
Polygyny is not an easy thing. I will not pretend to know the difficulty and strength one needs to accept and move past it. I am well aware of the nature of women: the jealous, the envy and the suspicion is in our nature. But I know Allah knows best on the matter. It would need immense patience and humbleness to accept polygyny, and the lack of this is probably why so many women are so opposed to it. There are obviously requirements for polygyny and no man can just marry four women because he has been allowed, rather if he is not able to fulfil this conditions also set by his Maker then his application for polygynous marriage is also denied and he will be accountable to his Lord on the day of Judgement. Inshallah I will talk about these requirements when talking about marriage in general inshallah. But ladies let us remember we are in this world temporarily, these men who we call husbands are also temporary. Isn't it better for you to please your Lord and get eternal joy and happiness than to please yourself on this world for a maximum of 80 years average? We forget that we are on this earth temporarily. The reward a woman would get from expressing her approval for polygyny and being patient with her husband even though she is not okay with the situation is better for her, if she only knew. Please let's not look at polygyny as a taboo and not end a perfectly good marriage/family because of jealousy and envy. It is not worth it in the end because you will be divorced, break a family if you have children and lastly,you will displease Allah because you are forbidding what Allah has made lawful. Wana'wudhu billah!
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
MashaAllah, very enlightening and refreshing to read this.
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